How to be a Khaleesi

I write this today as a self-love checklist for anyone who might need to hear that they are, in fact, the most important person in the world. If you're a fan of the Game of Thrones series, or of the events happening in Westeros and Essos, then you will know that one of the pivotal people in the story is Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, (Other Titles) Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, (More Titles) Mother of Dragons.

I need this post for myself today as much as I'm sure there are people out there who need this post too. I won't go into details - because why on earth would I want to dwell on something that was bad for me? + why would you want to read it? Let's just say that something I hoped would never happen, but cleverly planned for, came to pass. Wyrd bið ful aræd. Fate is inexorable.

So here are my top tips on how to live your life like the violet-eyed, silver-haired queen of Meereen, and slay it. Completely, because you are a queen of your own little kingdom.

Stand Tall

You will notice that throughout the whole show, Daenerys never once slouches or slumps. She is always sat or stood up straight. Now, this may have something to do with the very first episode when her brother told her to stand up properly, but since then she has never once let her shoulders fall. Why? Because she knows her worth she knows that she is important, and she's never needed to be told that. You are soo important to the world, and you should know it, and you should never slouch in a way that says 'I am less than' when you a more than you could possibly know.

Dress Impeccably

This is a thought I have very single day when I wake up anyway, always have done and always will do. No matter how god awful you feel, get up, dress up, put on your make- up, make yourself feel completely beautiful, suddenly, you won't feel so awful, you'll feel beautiful. + surely that's a feeling you always want to have right?

Surround Yourself With People Who Love You

The Mother of Dragons has always surrounded herself, to the best of her knowledge at least, with people who think the entire sun shines out of her eyes. You need people like that too. People who want to hear what you have to say, who respect your opinion and inspire your ambitions and your dreams. Anyone who is even slightly negative in your life, you seriously do not need. You want people who think your art is beautiful, who laugh at your jokes, who think it's cute that you write short stories, who listen to your thoughts, and don't make you feel like these things are trivial - people who instead feel like these are the reasons why the sun resides in your heart.

People Will Betray You

Now chill a sec -  I don't mean like you're going to be '''''Ceasered''''', and stabbed 23 times in the back by your mates. I mean that the person you gave your heart too will crush it. I mean the friend who you thought always had your back has been spreading rumors about you to all your mutuals. I mean your work-wife who you thought was helping you get promoted sabotaged everything and took it for themselves. People come into your life for lots of different reasons. Some of those reasons are unfortunately utterly heart-breaking. That doesn't mean you are broken. It means you were full of too much. Too much love, too much knowledge, too much kindness. People take advantage of these, see them as weaknesses, but you are the opposite of weak.

Sometimes People Deserve Second Chances (Sometimes)

Now how sorry have we all felt for Jorah Mormont for the last season and a half since he got banished from his Queens side. Yes he sold her secrets to her enemies, almost got her and her unborn child killed - like yeah okay so he's not the best guy - but that was right at the beginning, then he saved her life, advised her continually, loved her from a distance, and was then banished from her kingdom. He deserved a second chance, because he fought tirelessly to gain her trust back, and even though he thought she hated him, he spent months (I assume moths - Essos time is weird) to save her life again! Not everyone does, remember that if they hurt you once before, then there's a very good chance that they'll do it again. Never forget that there is such a huge galaxy of love inside you that people will fight for a chance to be incased in it again, or it's so vast that you can get by just fine without them.

Never Give Up

Daeny has been fighting and dreaming of getting back to Westeros since she was a very little girl (I say very little because in the books shes only like sixteen and apparently that's grown sooooo). That has been her goal, to get home, to rule. She's dreamt and worked tirelessly for it. You have to as well if you want to achieve your dream. It's not enough to hope, or too want it. It has to be worked for, pushed for. It will tear you apart, and you will probably spend many a dark night feeling like you'll never get it. But her dream is to re-take Seven Kingdoms at Civil War with each other, from a Country that killed her family and banished her to live her life as a beggar princess. Your dream is not going to be that hard. Work hard, never give up, and ask for help.

Never Forget Who You Are

Don't change, don't pretend to be something you're not. Who you are is enough. Who you are is worthwhile. You don't need to change or conform or be anything anyone doesn't want you to be. If you like watching Formula 1 on a Sunday with your Dad. Then keep doing that. That's you. If you like getting up at 6am and going for a run. Then don't stop. That's you. If you like baking to make up cupcake recipes at midnight. Then keep it up. That's you. No one should ever make you feel like you can't do those things - least of all you. Don't change because you're afraid people might think you're 'a bit weird' That's how I've been introduced to 90% of the people I work with. 'This is Kat, she's a bit weird'. Yes, I am. I am also fantastic.

Love Yourself Forever

This Targaryen chick has been through it all. She still knows she's the best thing to walk the earth. We all are. You need to realise that. You need to look into your mirror and realise that the person looking back at you is so much more deserving of your love than anybody else in the universe. The only person you are truly going to spend your life with lives in that mirror. You can fall in love with your soulmate, you can have friends who know you inside out, but there's still those dark recesses that only you know about, so love those parts completely because you have got to live with them forever. And once you love them that the sun in your chest can leak into the dark dungeons in your mind and turn them into gardens of wild flowers. 

You are so beautiful, and so loved, and I never want you to feel any different. You are the ruler of your kingdom, you are the gold giver, the lord of the land. You are the most important thing and Meereen needs Daenerys just like this blue and green marble needs you.

Let's Talk About Body Image

This is a subject that I think any woman out there will want to have a read of. Why? Because we're all seeking validation that we are the ideal. For many years fashion has given us tall models very slim models with legs for days, Barbie gave us the same thing to feed our children with. But over the past few years plus size models have been ebbing their way into the catwalks. Now I sat there and thought 'wow great! This is a huge step forward'. Now what I meant by this isn't that they're finally promoting the 'average' woman, but rather there is a new dynamic in the mix.

Yes the catwalks and magazine pages now might be full of both size 4 models with abs and size 14 models with nipped in waists, which are still unattainable images for the rest of the public. But it's a step in the right direction. Give it another 10 years and for fashion to take another step and we might be seeing girls with inverted triangle shapes, big boobs and then straight down from there. Or women with small boobs but Beyoncé style back sides. We aren't at this equal plain for all women yet, but we're a step closer.

I have had heated discussions with many a friend on the topic of body issue, and we all say the same thing 'I don't feel pretty'. One of my best friends is more of a column shape, she's a size 6/8 and I think she's stunning. But when we discussed this topic last week she said she doesn't feel pretty anymore. She said that because of all of these images on the internet! The 'when did this because sexier than this' Now she eats right, and she has been the one to suggest a McDoanlds on occasion, but you know what? That's her body shape. She will always look like that. 

I also had a conversation like this with my little sister. She's 17, a size 10 but she has more of a rectangular body shape. She still has a waist that comes in, but not as much. Yet she is super active! She rides horses 4 days a week and mucks them out another 2! She's been doing this for 3 years, and that is still her body shape. She is active and she takes after my mother, who is a size 8 through dieting, exercising and doing everything right, but she has the same body shape!

I am a size 10, with 41 inch hips, 26 inch waist. I have the classic 'hourglass' shape. Yet I don't feel beautiful, I still see women in magazines and actresses on TV who have slender legs, and flatter tummies, and who still have this straighter shape. I have also had people use back handed insults to take a dig at me for my size. But I am healthy, I eat right, and occasionally I indulge in some cake. I might not be the healthiest, and I could exercise more but I look in the mirror and think 'no I'm alright actually'. That confidence has taken me 4 years to develop, and I think one of the biggest things that helped be get there was having a boyfriend who tells me I'm beautiful everyday. If someone says you're ugly everyday - you start to believe it - it works in reverse too. 

I also think it is important to mention Marilyn Monroe here. She was not a US size 12-16! To accommodate for the worlds ever expanding waist lines the sizing charts were changed, a size 8 today was a size 16 then - yes - but it's still a size 8. She was sewn into her clothes most of the time as well, and she was an extreme hourglass shape, which is a completely unattainable look anyway unless you're born with it!

We as women need to stop looking at everyone else with envy, and start looking at ourselves with love. This is the only body you get, and so long as you're healthy, then sod the rest of it. You can't change the shape you were born with, just do your best. Even if you eat right you might still be what is considered 'big' and if you eat KFC everyday of your life you might still be considered 'small'. But it's just how your body works. 

We need to get over this obsession with how we look and actually understand that we're all in this together! How will we ever change the world of fashion and the way men perceive us unless WE change are perception. Until we can not be either jealous or bitchy about every other female how do we expect the industry and the male half of the population to do the same?

We are all in this together. We are the most perfect version of ourselves.

Please tweet me on this topic, I am very interested to hear your thoughts! @KHarriet

*All images courtesy of Google.